It doesn't matter if you're faster than me

I am amazed at how much my pace has improved since I started running, and to have PBs of 1:23 for 10miles, 1:53 for a half and 4:09 for a marathon just blows me away - I never thought I could run that fast and I am proud of myself.

But in the office today for a meeting was a visitor who is also a runner.  I didn't know he was a runner but we started chatting while making tea, and we were talking about our training plans, long runs, and that we both plan to tackle our first ultra race this summer.  I also found out we're both training for the Brighton Marathon.

Conversation goes:
Him - "So, what time are you aiming for?"
Me - "I'd love to get sub 4hrs this year and Brighton's a fast course, so hopefully I'll make it.... how about you?"
Him - "I'm going for 3 hours"
Me - "Wow, that's amazing!! What's your PB?"
Him - "3.34 but I'm running 7 min miles in training at the moment so it should be easy"

I walk away from this conversation feeling like I've been kicked in the teeth.

• He didn't comment on the time I'm aiming for - does that mean he's not impressed...which means does he look at me with some sort of level of scorn? Does he think I'm not really a runner because I'm going to be running at least an hour slower than him in Brighton (and sub 4hrs will only happen if I have a great race).
• Is it that he said it was easy to run that fast that has upset me?
• More importantly, why does it matter what he thinks?  

I'm sure he doesn't look down on me - he's a nice guy - and I know it doesn't matter what he thinks, but I can't help feeling really deflated.  I know that I am motivated by improving against my own times, and I know that I'm never going to be winning races, but that's never really bothered me. I love what I do, I've worked really hard to improve and I'm proud of my achievements.  But for some reason this conversation got to me and now I wish I hadn't talked to him about it which is a real shame because usually I love to share my running with other people.

I'm not sure why I've had this odd reaction. I wonder if maybe it's because when I see other runners in races going very fast, or I read about them online, that's who they are - amazing runners that I look up to and admire but when it's someone who I know in a completely different capacity, I feel  an unnecessary level of competitiveness.

Or maybe (and thinking about it, more likely) it's because he said it was easy...how can running a marathon in 3hours be easy?!  I just don't believe that, I can't believe it, and so I wonder whether he was trying to be condescending.

Anyway, I should stop analysing this now, and move on.  If I get a sub 4hr marathon I will be absolutely over the moon.  And if he finds it easy to run a 3 hour marathon, then that's great for him, but I don't run because it's easy...if it's easy, surely it means you're not working hard enough however fast (or slow) you're going ;)

Magic Mile done! But my long run broke me

The weather this weekend was gorgeous - very cold & wintery but with bright blue skies and sunshine.  We made the most of it and on Saturday went for a walk around some local woods for a couple of hours, and I made sure I climbed a tree :) 

As we'd been out in the day, I ended up doing Saturday's run late...which meant in the dark. That didn't matter too much though, it was better that it was quiet, as this run was all about the MagicMile - running the fastest mile I could manage, as part of the LardyBoy 2012 challenge. 

So, my Magic Mile run comprised a warm up jog for a mile, a mile sprint, and then a slow run back home, which gave me a total of 4 miles.

I was amazed with my time: 7 mins 2 seconds! I did go flat out and was barely able to breathe by the end, but still very pleased ;) I've not done a sprint mile before, so I was very interested to experience what it was like - and it was awesome.  I just wish I could run that fast without feeling I was going to die by the end of it!  What's going to be even more interesting is seeing how (if!) I improve on that time over the next few months.

As I hadn't managed to run in daylight on Saturday, I set my alarm for 8am on Sunday morning, determined to get up, out and really enjoy the crisp winter sunshine for my long 15 mile run.  Unfortunately, I completely overslept and didn't drag myself out of bed until 11am! By that time the day's plans were screwed and after lounging around on the sofa for far too long, eating too much and watching mind-numbing TV, I eventually got out on the road at just gone 3pm.  By this time, the blue skies were clouding over, the temperatures were dropping, and all plans of having a lovely countryside run were gone - but nevertheless I had to get my 15 miles in, and I did, finishing in about 2.5 hours, and again, finishing in the dark.  It wasn't fun, it wasn't pretty, running slow meant I was cold, and by the end of it, I felt broken...and this morning, I still don't feel great.

My knees are killing me at the moment. I don't know what exactly is causing it but my knee caps are very painful, and although it's bearable and then seems to ease when I run, after I get home they start seizing up, and stairs are becoming a real problem.  Then on top of that, for some reason (maybe the cold wind as suggested by one of my twtter friends) last night when I got back from my run, one side of my face felt very bruised and sensitive to touch...and no, I hadn't run into anything!  This morning my face is feeling better than it did, although still aching, but my knees are still painful, very stiff, and I'm feeling utterly drained in general - it was a real effort to get to the office today!  

It's starting to dawn on me that my diet (which has been dire since Christmas) probably isn't helping my energy levels or recovery rate, so I think I need to address that kinda urgently if I'm going to maintain this marathon/ultra training without destroying myself, and if my knees don't start improving with a bit of RICE, I need to head off to see the physio!

My Garmin, the Magic Mile and a training update

Marathon training is well and truly underway - I'm feeling pretty good about it and generally very positive - a stark contrast to my state of mind a week ago ;)

My most exciting news is that I've finally replaced my Garmin that I threw away in a fit of temper last year at the beginning of a race when it wouldn't turn on!  So now I can get an idea of my pace, and studiously analyse my running stats like the geek I am...and see how much more work I need to do on my speedwork! 

I bought the 405CX in the end, because I decided that I really couldn't afford the 610 that I wanted, but the 405CX is a great watch with lots of functions (most of which I'll probably never use) and I'm very happy with it.  The main reason I went for this one over some of the cheaper GPS watches on the market was the number of different options you can choose to have displayed on the screen including average pace which lots don't seem to have - I love the level of customization that's available, combined with it looking pretty good - and there's a fabric strap as an option which is so much better than the solid plastic one that comes as standard.  However, swapping the strap for the fabric one did result in lots of swearing and shouting at Garmin!

Anyway, now I have my watch, I've been doing some proper speedwork, long runs, runs at race pace - it's been good :) The massive change for me now I've started my marathon training schedule properly is having rest days, after having got used to going out every day during my run streak it's definitely a nice change! Strangely though, sometimes I do feel like I'm missing a run and I should probably go out anyway, because I've got the time and I quite fancy it but at the moment, I'm not, and I'm trying to stick to the plan to give my body the time to recover from the extra effort that I'm putting in when I am training.

I've also got my race schedule planned for the next six months.  As well as the Brighton Marathon, and the Challenge hub 50 mile challenge, I've also got the Halstead Marathon booked, a couple of halves, and a couple of 10kms.  It's going to be busy! I hope I'm not being too ambitious and setting myself up for injury but I'll listen to my body and if I need to rest more, or change my plans, I will.  The key target for this year is a sub 4hr marathon and my ultra, and I don't want anything jeopardising those.

Oh, and I've decided to take part in Jamie Ross's (aka @lardyboy2011) MagicMile challenge.  You post the fastest mile you can run each month, to see at the end of the year who's improved the most and of course who's the fastest!  Take a look here.  I'll be running my MagicMile this weekend...

It’s been a good week!

A well needed pep-talk!

For some reason, today I'm being flooded by self-doubt.

I'm planning all of these great things for 2012, but I wonder whether I'm expecting too much of myself.  I was so positive and excited just yesterday but this morning I can't get the questions out of my head - can I really double my mileage compared to last year and can I really run an ultra?  Am I committed enough, physically capable, mentally strong enough...am I good enough to really make this happen?

I get so much support on twitter that at times I do believe I can reach my goals, and I see other people achieving phenomenal success in challenges that are much harder than anything I'm aiming for, so I know great things can be done...right now though, I'm just not sure whether they can be done by me!

However, as every endurance runner knows, a large part of being successful is having the psychological strength to keep going when your body tells you it's had enough.  I call myself a runner, so I need to start thinking like one - I can't fall at the first hurdle and fail through a lack of mental fortitude! So, self-doubt or not, I have to just get out and get on with it, and give my training and my ultra a damn good go and prove to myself that I am good enough to do this!

Runner's World and me

I've been looking through my blog stats, and saw I was getting some traffic from the Runner's World website...which is very unusual!  After a bit of research, I realised that I'd been mentioned in an article they did about the 2011 Holiday Running Streak.  I've copied the whole article below, as it's interesting to see what everyone else thought about the streak...you need to scroll down a fair bit to get to my contribution :)

#RWRunStreak All the Way Across the Internet

December 29, 2011 6:00 am
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By Meghan G. Loftus

Our 2011 Holiday Running Streak is nearly over--just three runs left, after today's!--and we've been so impressed with the huge response to our challenge.

In addition to the streakers we initially introduced, and those you met two weeks into the challenge, even more bloggers have been filling the internet with tales of their #RWRunStreak.

Got some time to kill at work? (Let's face it--there's not much work to be done this week, anyway.) Check out these streak-inspired posts.

Have you seen one we missed? Leave it in the comments.

A Healthy Dad - Brandon
"With 27 days left in 2011 – which means 27 days of running, thanks to my run streak – I need to average just under 3 miles per day to meet my goal. I think that’s totally doable, especially considering that on the weekends, I typically get in at least one longer run that will bring up my average considerably. 1000 miles or bust!"

Chick Named Chuck - Chuck
"I’m not going to lie, I kind of, sort of, love this challenge way too much. There’s no hemming and hawing over whether or not to run today. The answer is already decided."

Fear of Bananas - Stephanie
"I’m holding strong with my run streak. Yesterday morning I got out and got it done first thing in the morning. It was quite lovely actually."

Momster on the Run - Ann
"I'm giving all of the credit for my 4 mile PR today to the Runners' World Holiday Run Streak! Since Thanksgiving, I've been running at least 1 mile per day, and it is paying off already!"

Running Because I Can - David H.
"In these last two weeks I’ll continue to hit milestones I’ve never seen with the most miles ever in a year and my most consecutive running days."

Running Los Annegeles - Anne
"I really didn’t want my streak to end but since it was late and our stomachs were full I didn’t think it would be possible to get our mile in. Mike came to the rescue and decided we would drive to Ocean Avenue and run along the street which overlooks the ocean and Santa Monica pier. Our run had amazing views and we completed 1 mile at 11:45 PM to continue the streak to 15 days!"

Run Damnit! - Cindy
"I’m learning more & more about myself, my running philosophy, my typical excuses, my motivators and my pace! Truly a great experience! I know for a fact that I will run more in the New Year than I ever have in the past. Although I admit to being excited for a day off…”

Strides Against Narcolepsy - Heather
"Much like my trail run, my running streak has come with obstacles. Shin splints are super annoying and almost brought me to a halt on more than one occasion. My biggest hurdle has been my day to day struggle with narcolepsy."

These Days, I Call Myself a Runner - Naomi
"Trying this run streak has given me a newfound motivation for the days when I don't really fancy going out (which is good as the weather has been awful recently!) and my fitness is improving much more quickly than it would have been had I been training four times a week."

Twelve in Twelve - Ann
"When I suggested the Run Streak a month ago, I had no idea it would yield these results. I thought I would log my 1 mile and be done. I didn’t expect that I would actually develop a habit of running. And I certainly didn’t expect I would start to enjoy running."

Yes, Folks. I Run Like a Girl - Beth
"Never try to run a mile after two shots of tequila and a plate of nachos referred to as 'dinner.' No matter how wedded you are to the idea of run-streaking, this is a BAD IDEA."